A little life

I have been listening to this book by Hanya Yangihara called A little life. 

Hanya Yangihara as the name suggests is an American of Asian descent. 

The book is about 4 friends and their lives in New york. The story of Jude, JB, Willem and Malcom.

Of these Jude has had a very unfortunate past. Brought up in a monastery, being ill, treated by the monks there, turning violent as a result, some how surviving that, he is currently drags his leg while walking. Because of this unbearable pain and because of past trauma he cuts himself often. And wears full sleeved shirts always, none of his friends know about his self-harm. 

 His mentor Harold takes a liking for him and allows Jude to stay in his house. Julia and Harold treat Jude like a son. One day Harold pops up the question - can they adopt him? Never having seen parental love and affection, Jude is exhilarated, but afraid that this dream might get killed any time. 

26th October

The story is getting sadder as we progress. Jude feels he is ugly, unlovable. And he firmly believes everyone is disgusted by his looks. And remains single for a very long time. Then in late thirties, when Caleb shows romantic interest in Jude, he accepts it. 

But even this turns into a fiasco. Caleb is moody, and doesn't like to see Jude dragging his legs on the days he has severe pain. Nor does he like him to use wheelchairs. And then he starts hitting him. 

One day when Jude was sitting in a restaurant with Harold, Caleb comes there drunk and says he is dating Jude and keeps repeatedly saying how ugly and disgusting Jude is. Harold wants to kill him, to hurt him badly, but is stopped by Jude. 

Then when Jude reaches home, Caleb is there. He hits Jude, repeatedly kicks him and pushes him down the stairs. 

The funny thing is Jude firmly believes whatever Caleb says. He believes he deserves the physical hurt. 

Little life : 

We do not see the beautiful  life in front of us. We instead make our lives smaller and smaller and feel suffocated by it. Jude is an excellent lawyer. He is the youngest equity partner in his law firm. He is very intelligent, kind and is having a comfortable life. He has acquired loving parents - Harold and Julia do adopt him. He has a best friend Willem with whom who can share anything. 

But he still believes that he is ugly. Nobody will love him. He is always afraid his parents will leave him - it is only a matter of time. He believes he does not deserve any good things in life.