Sakshi

Many spiritual gurus say we must be just witness to our own lives not at all being affected by sukh or dukh.

I think I have achieved that. I think I have become a sakshi watching people stabbing me (figuratively) not only from back, but from front knowing too well how helpless I am. I think people are happily dancing euphorically watching me bleed. And I am watching that. Unable to do anything, unable to protect myself.

Or may be all this is me watching some one else’s life. May be a dream.

Now coming to why

I think God came to take away my life and was begged for mercy. For some reason, he was angry with me and decided to teach me a lesson. Like everyone else. And he told me “ok, you can live. But each and every day, you will wish that you were dead”. I am sure this must have happened. But I don’t remember it. He must have told this in my dream as is his habit.

There is no other logical explanation to this.