Raison d’être

 As long as I am home I will be in autopilot mode. Eat, expel and repeat. With a sprinkle of cooking and cleaning. But when I do go out of the house and have actual interaction with actual people, I will have an existential crisis. What is my raison d’être? Purpose of my existence? There isn’t one. 

When I look at other people buying expensive things like furniture I remember the meme - we buy things we don’t want with the money we don’t have to impress the people we don’t like. But what do I do? I buy cheap plastic items I don’t need, only because they are cheap. 

So people, and me included, try to fill this absent “raison” with shopping. Makes one feel powerful. But even this feeling is ephemeral. And we are not Ambanis and Adanis to shop till we drop -dead. 

when we are feeling miserable again, we look at the success of other people around us and feel worse. 

Then we try to drown these “silly” thoughts with pacifiers of our own choice -be it eating, religion, or television. 

Until the next interaction.