Life is an illusion

 Mujhe neend na aaye, need na aaye. Ok, what is next? Nothing it is the same old story night after night after night. I don't get sleep. Or I sleep and then wake up at 3:30.  Is it God's way of telling us that we have already wasted too many valuable hours sleeping. Now it's enough. Stay awake and rue.  Why am I supposed to turn gently on this side? Is it my knee or is it the earpod still plugging my ears? After some time, it really gets frustrating to keep turning to left side, then to right, then again to left. This could be the reason why babies suddenly decide to getup and start to walk.  Why am I obsessed with my sleep deprivation? Since I don't have larger problems like ' I may get burned inside my house' by bulldozer staff, or I may get stuck in the rubble of destroyed building as in Turkey, or where does my next meal come from. Since I don't have other problems - I am well fed, have a roof over my head, have no responsibilities, I worry about 'ot...

For someone who watches 5-6 hours of thrillers, it is really surprising that, I don't get night mares. Which may catch up later, when my mind becomes weaker, who knows.  Actually me trying to find the reason behind dead slowness of my android IDE is, as useful as me watching these tv-series non-stop in netflix etc. Which of the two is more harmful? I can't say. Strange thing is, early mornings, or late nights, when I am trying very hard to catch the sleep, I keep thinking about sewing. Not consciously.  Why does my mind think that?  Why not 'sudo....'? Why not some silly recipe? Does it have something to do with my youtube or pinterst feeds?  I had tried sewing.  By hand. Because I decided buying a sewing machine for my newest fad, will be a huge waste of money. And where do I keep that machine?  So I tried sewing cushion covers, grocery bags etc. From the blouse pieces given by people as arishina kumkum.  The works weren't half bad. But the finishing ...

 You switch on the TV and you go about doing your chores. Or you switch on some youtube video - some home maintenance or recipe - which you will never use and you start doing some work. The idea is, the chatter outside helps you to stop or at least pause the chatter inside. Because no one likes 'itani sannata' -  the quietude for extended period of time. That must be the reason why old ladies adopt cats. Will I adapt a cat when I am old - much older than I am now? I may not. Because laziness trumps loneliness.  I have seen this hack working with insomnia too. When you find it very hard to fall asleep, start listening to some inane youtube video. Your mind is distracted and hence calmed and you fall asleep after a while. Podcast was my sleeping pill of choice for quite a long time. Now, when every Tom, Dick and Harry has his own podcast, when every Ram, Bheem and Shyama has his/her own podcast, I find most of them useless - as somniferous tool.  And talking of podcast...

Once upon a time, hamare zamane me, there was a saying about car owners - that they spend more time below it, than on it.  (repairing it). It was different times.  But I can relate - in my laptop - my linux mint laptop, I spend a lot of time, ridiculously large amount of time,  trying to tweak its working. (Don't tell me, that is because I have no work to do. I know it. But don't tell me.)  Adding and removing software, stopping and starting services, and when as a result the machine wouldn't boot, installing the entire system again. That  causes concern to my family members. So son bought me my mac book. Thinking that, being an apple product, it wouldn't let me tweak and then crash it.  I believed so too. But who would want a life (virtual life) without any struggle?  When you have plenty of time - too much time to tinker around.  So I would keep this brand new computer aside and continued my struggle with Linux system.   But now I have...