Life is an illusion

History says we were all hunter gatherers , once upon a time.  We still are. I am.  Didn't you collect leaves, pebbles, yarns, match boxes and such things when you were a child? Yes, but that habit never left me. Things I gather! I gather loads of clothes - like my clan (gender). Which I never wear - I need to save them for special occasion! But how many sets can I wear on my dying day? Or carry them - for that matter.  I gather colors - painting bottles - for the crafts I may some day craft. Which more often dry up than get used.  I gather little kitchen tools - if I decide I want to use my culinary skills properly, or improve them. Yes, like that day will ever come. I gather books - both printed and digital. I may one day read them. Really. I even gather source codes - computer, android programming pieces, articles, entire zip files. So that one fine day, I may take up this coding projects. And actually complete them. And give them back to git.  Does this show some kind of insecu

 ನಾನು ಸಣ್ಣ ಪುಟ್ಟ ಸಮಸ್ಯೆಗಳು ಬಂದರೂ "ಅಯ್ಯೋ ನಂಗ್ಯಾರೂ ಇಲ್ಲ. ಅಯ್ಯೋ ನನ್ನ ಲೈಫೇ  ಹಾಳಾಗಿಹೋಯಿತು. ನಂಗೆ ಯಾಕೆ ಇಷ್ಟು ಪ್ರಾಬ್ಲಮ್ ಬರತ್ತೆ. ನನ್ನ ಯಾರಾದ್ರೂ ಅರ್ಥ ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಳ್ತಾರಾ? " ಅಂತೆಲ್ಲ ಬಡ್ಕೋತೀನಿ.  ಜಗತ್ನಲ್ಲಿ, ಯಾಕೆ, ನಮ್ಮ ಮಹಾ ದೇಶದಲ್ಲಿ ಜನಕ್ಕೆ ಯಾವ್ಯಾವ ರೀತಿ ಸಮಸ್ಯೆ ಬರತ್ತೆ - ನಾನು ಕಲ್ಪನೆ ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಳೋಕ್ಕೂ ಸಾಧ್ಯ ಇಲ್ಲ.  - ನಮಗೆಲ್ಲಾರೂ ಸುಳ್ಳು ಸುದ್ದಿ ಹೇಳಿ, ತಲೆ ಕೆಡಿಸ್ತಾರೆ ಎಂದು ಸತ್ಯ ಬಯಲಿಗೆಳಿಯೋರನ್ನ ಸುಂಸುಮ್ನೆ ಜೈಲಿಗ್ಹಾಕ್ತಾರೇ. ಸುಮ್ನೆ ಬಡವರಿಗೆ ಹಿಂದುಳಿದವ್ರಿಗೆ ಸಹಾಯ ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಂಡು ಇದ್ದೋವರನ್ನ ಜಮೀನಿಲ್ದೆ ವಿಚಾರಣೆ ಇಲ್ದೆ ವರ್ಷಗಟ್ಲೆ ಕೂಡಿಹಾಕಿಡ್ತಾರೆ.  ಅದ್ಯಾವ್ದೋ ಓಟಿಟಿ ಶೋನಲ್ಲಿ ಅಪ್ಪನನ್ನು ಪೊಲೀಸ್ ಗುಂಡಿಗೆ ಕಳೆದುಕೊಂಡ ೪ ವರ್ಷದ ಪುಟ್ಟ ಮಗು ಅಮ್ಮನಿಗೆ  ಹೇಳ್ದನ್ಗೆ "I wish this place was safer for us.".   ಆದ್ರೆ ಈ ಜಾಗ, ನಂಗೆ, ನಮ್ಮಂತವರಿಗೆ ಸೇಫೆ  - ಬಾಯ್ಮುಚ್ಕೊಂಡು ಇರೋತನ್ಕಾ .  ಅಯ್ಯೋ, ನಾನಂತೂ ಮಾತೆ ಆಡಲ್ಲ. ಗಾದೆನೆ ಇದ್ಯಲ್ಲ "ಬಡವಾ ನೀ ಮಡಗದಾಂಗಿರು " ಅಂತ. ಮಡಗದಾಂಗೆ, ಬಾಯಿ ಮುಚ್ಕೊಂಡು, ಕೈ ಕಟ್ಕೊಂಡು ಇದ್ಬಿಡೋಣ.  ನಮ್ಮನೆ ಬಾಗ್ಲಿಗೆ ಬರೋ ತನಕ.   

 Started with yet another not-so-useful to anybody else android project. From 8 years ago. It's a picture editor. Remember a simple drawing app in windows system from 20 years ago. Had options to draw lines, squares, rectangles etc. So, that is what I want to do here. Of course, most of the part has been borrowed . Next, I can add polygons, cut portions, rotate and other options. Let me tell you, what I didn't borrow - the menu. And it is ghastly not so appealing. Let me try to change that borrowing from dribble.  There are others in the armor, a todo app, a text twister app - may be in Kannada and finally language learning app. Let ideas flow into my old, grayed, tired head.  27th July A week later, I realize that this app is unfathomable, has a lot of spaghetti code, and may be outdated. But I am happy to say that I did experience out of memory error. So I need to either give it up or use some libraries. Or just shelve it. To be woken up another ten years later. If we both e

 Monique - she is the woman destroyed.  She has everything. A successful husband who is a doctor and also a researcher. Two grown up daughters well settled in life. A luxurious beautiful home.  But one fine day, everything comes crashing down. Her husband confesses that he is having an affair with a lawyer Noelle. She is shocked beyond herself. Never having suspected him, thinking his aloofness to be his busy work, she always was very proud of their twenty years of marriage. And she loves him too much.  Monique pours her out to friend Diana. Diana suggests that in such cases, novelty is the only thing in affairs. And it will wear off. Monique should just have patience and she will get him back. So she tries doing that. Bearing and waiting for him to come back. But things get worse. He starts spending most evening with Noelle, some weekends too.  And when she confronts him, he fights and defends himself and his affair. He defends Noelle, her materialism, her thirst for success. He has c

ಸೂರ್ಯ ಅಲ್ದೆ ಹೋದ್ರು ಪರವಾಗಿಲ್ಲ, ಚಂದ್ರ ಆದ್ರೂ ಕಾಣ್ತಾ ಇದನಲ್ಲಾ. ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಸಮಾಧಾನ.  ನಾಲ್ಕೈದು ದಿನದಿಂದ ಕರಿ ಗುಮ್ಮನಂತೆ ಮೋಡ ಮುಚ್ಕೊಂಡು ಮುನಿಸ್ಕೊಂಡಿರೋ ಆಕಾಶಾ, ಡಿಸೆಂಬರ್ ತಿಂಗಳೇನೋ ಎನ್ನೋ ತರ ಚಳಿ. ಆವಾಗ ಈವಾಗ ಜಿಟಿ ಜಿಟಿ ಮಳೆ.  ಇದೇನು ಮಲೆನಾಡು ಅನ್ಕೋಬಿಟ್ಟಿದ್ಯೇನೂ ಈ ಮಳೆಗಾಲ. ಇದು ಬೆಂಗಳೂರು, ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಮಳೆಗಾಲ ಅಂದ್ರೆ ಸುಮ್ನೆ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಬರ್ಬೇಕು, ಹೋಗ್ತಾ ಇರ್ಬೇಕು. ಇನ್ನು ಹೆಚ್ಚಂದ್ರೆ ಸಂಜೆ ಹೊತ್ತಿಗೆ, ಎಲ್ಲರೂ ಕಚೇರಿಗಳಿಂದ ಮನೇಗ್ಹೊಗೋ ಹೊತ್ನಲ್ಲಿ ಧೋ ಎನ್ಕೊಂಡು ಹೊಡಿಬೇಕು.  ಈ ಕತ್ತಲಲ್ಲಿ ಮನಸ್ಸೂ ಮಬ್ಬಾಗ್ತಾ ಹೋಗತ್ತೆ. ಒಂದು ನಾಲ್ಕ್ ದಿನಕ್ಕೆ ನಮ್ಮದೆಲ್ಲ ಈ ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿ ಆದರೆ, ಚಳಿ ಪ್ರದೇಶದಲ್ಲಿ ಇರೋವರು ಏನು ಮಾಡ್ತಾರೆ ? ನೋಡಿ, ಇವತ್ತ್  ಬೆಳಿಗ್ಗೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಮಬ್ಬು. ಬಿಸಿಲಿಲ್ಲ. ಬೆಳಕಿಲ್ಲ. ಬರಿ ಕತ್ತಲು. ಮನೆ ಹೊರಗೆ. ಮನದೊಳಗೆ.  ನಿನ್ನೆ ಸಂಜೆ ಚಂದ್ರನ ಶಾಖಕ್ಕೆ ಮೋಡ ಕರಗಿದ್ದ್ವಾ? ಹಾ ಹಾ !  ನಮ್ಮ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಲ್ಲಿ ರೂಮ್ ಹೀಟರ್ ಬೇಕೇನೋ ಅನ್ನೋ ಪರಿಸ್ತಿತಿ ? ನಂಬಲಸಾಧ್ಯ ! ೧೫-ಜುಲೈ  ಅದೇ ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿ ಮುಂದುವರೀತ ಇದೆ. ಹಗಲೆಲ್ಲ ಕರಿ ಮೋಡ. ರಾತ್ರಿ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಮೋಡದಿಂದ ಬಿಡುಗಡೆ. ನಿನ್ನೆ ಅಂತೂ ಚಂದ್ರ ರೌಂಡ್ ಆಗಿ, ದುಮ್ಮನಾಗಿ ಸುಮಾರು ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿ ಕಾಣತಾ ಇದ್ದ. "ಪಗಲೂಮ್ ಇರುಳುಂ ಸುರಿವ ಜಡಿ ಮಳೆಯಿಂ ಎನ್ನ ಮನಂ ಬೇಸತ್ತುದು. ಏನಾದರೂಮ್ ನಲ್ಗತೆಯಂ ಪೇಳು" - ಎನ್ನುವ ಮನೋರಮೆಯ

 I struggle to keep my promises - usually to myself - regarding some basic stuff like exercising, not binge eating etc.  And I realize that if I were a religious person, I would have fasted on certain days, I would have prayed regularly etc etc. That would have brought some discipline in my life. But, alas! I am not. So I think, as a imposer of values, forbidder of bad habits, God and religion are quite efficient.  But they certainly fall short in facing propaganda. Unfortunately so, for the world and all its citizens.  I accept, in spite of my frequent outbursts against religion,  being religious is a good thing. For self and for those around. But some times, you fall prey to so called interpreters of  of these religions- who intentionally or unintentionally mis-translate your/others scriptures  - very very wrongly. Let us look at another angle. See, the religious people of all color and hue, accept that God is like our father and mother. It says so explicitly  in all the religions. O

 I am a huge fan of short, simple, simplistic quotes. Better if they have pretty images too. Motivation, strong women are my major search terms in pinterest. So let me coin some of my own. May not be so terse, nor universal. Be proud of your gray hair Proud of your wrinkles Of not strong limbs  Of weak eye sight and hearing. Be proud. Own them.   We all agree that there is only one God But we differ greatly in whose And we argue, strongly and some time fatally   Does God ask you to save himself,  his preachings? Does he ask you to save his religion?  Are you saying he is that weak?   We have some how forgotten, first line of first chapter of every scripture Love one another.    Every cloud will move away  Some times to reveal the beautiful Moon  To light our skies, our lives

  पिता रक्षति कौमारे भर्ता रक्षति यौवने। रक्षन्ति स्थाविरे पुत्राः न स्त्री स्वातन्त्र्यमर्हति ।। (मनु स्मृति .9.3)   Which translates to   Father protects her in childhood, Husband protects in youth. In old age, children protect her. A woman does not deserve freedom   That is my translation, and I may be wrong. And that is the beauty of ancient languages - you can interpret them according to you - and your needs.  So, obviously our grand old religion of thousands years wasn't a fan of feminism - liberty of women.  But if I do not accept that things have improved immensely, at least for middle class and upper class women, I will be lying. Yes, 30 years ago, my parents let me pursue Engineering education in a different city. And now, you see girls doing almost everything, without fear and timidity.  But let us talk of some one who was a fan of feminism- Simone De Beauvoir.  Simone was a 20th century existential philosopher and writer who can be called as mother of Feminism. Her bo

Dante, Dante, that was the word flashing in my mind - in my subconscious mind if you say so.  Well, last night was one of these semi hallucinating nights. I think that if I sleep on my right side, I get these strange dreams - I go to my childhood many of the times - to those people and places but strange circumstances. Why? I should ask my physician or shrink, not the unfortunate readers. But I don't bother, as it is harmless. So I was hearing the word Dante, among other things. Might have heard his name in numerous podcasts I listen to. Who is Dante - some kind of Western writer, I think.  So early morning, I googled him. He is an Italian poet from 13th century, who wrote in Divine comedy. He wrote in vernacular Tuscany language instead of traditional Latin.  Divine comedy has three sections - inferno, purgatorio and paradiso. The names tell it all. In Inferno, he explains how sinners are punished according to their sins in great details. Dante walks with Virgil through this infer