Life is an illusion

Well, at some point of time, some one needs to point out to me that I am not artistically inclined, or in other words - artistically challenged. Until that time, I keep wasting precious hours doing what I imagine to be art and craft - which are for the lack of better word eyesores.  The other day, I made a cushion cover from a blouse piece. ( why has the tradition of giving blouse pieces still sustaining, when 90% of newer generation women and at least 70% of our generation have stopped wearing sarees except for marriages). That was quite simpler. What was tricky was how do I make it prettier. On one I embroidered a star shape using sashiko. On another I block printed.  Intoxicated by two successes, I started by next project. Painting a grocery bag. What should I paint on it? Simple flowers, a geometric shape, or some abstract lines? I browsed on Pinterest. But that place is an ocean filled with such beautiful designs and ideas. Unable to decide and frustrated, I left it for the time b

 I started feeling overwhelmed while preparing breakfast. It's too early for that feeling. Though I wouldn't be chirpy in the morning , I wouldn't be grumpy at least.  Then I wondered, does the reading about this philosophy of nihilism, got something to do with melancholy in the morning?  It is certainly possible. As they very often say - you are what you eat. But you are also what your read, hear or watch. Throughout the day. Can't be all cheerful after reading that our first mistake was being born. Can we?  No, such pessimistic philosophies are not for us - silly individuals who can't rationalize, deduce but think simply without ever understanding anything. What we  need instead is all kinds of silly quotes about positivity and optimism - jhoota hi sahi.

 A beautiful poem about loving ourselves before loving others LOVE AFTER LOVE by Derek Walcott The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.

 I always felt verses are not a very good medium of expression. At least for average readers like me - who can never get the inner hidden meanings of these plain looking words. But, they sure do have an advantage when you are not at liberty to express your thoughts. You can use some similes or metaphors or some thing else to tell your truth, without “offending” people and getting yourself in more trouble.  But, alas I can’t write poems, so “ meri baat rahe mere man me, kuch keh na saki uljhan me.” He sees all He knows all Still keeps mum Let’s people suffer O God Why not punish sinners Save weaklings And children O god, almighty google god Why not stop injustice ?

 Sashiko is a type of ancient Japanese embroidery technique - usually done using simple line stitches of white thread on blue cloth.  It came into existence in the 17th  century Japan, in Edo period. During those days, clothes were hand woven, so quite expensive. So the poor people would stitch these to make stronger clothing using simple running stitches.  Sashiko patterns are usually geometric in nature.  You get plenty of videos and patterns in the internet. Being simple in design, there are lesser chances to mess the design up. And easier to sew too. Ideal for lazies like me. But why would I embroider at all? I, who carry a sling bag by tying its longer strap, instead of stitching it?  People keep saying, these sewing, embroidery etc are like Zen? And I get repurpose these grocery bags and make them look interesting.  Correct, scream my brain cells, thankful for getting little rest for from idiotic Netflix.  And by blogging about these, I can tell with record what I have been doing

No, I am not referring to any classic novels of any kind. I am just talking about my own room. Oh, sorry, that book by Virginia Woolf is called Room of one's own. Not anything do with a view.  I am just talking about the rooms here in this home. Though the current apartment I am residing is insanely small, it has views. In two    bedrooms and the kitchen and the living room balcony. All have large windows, facing the empty sky. And the elevation helps too. If our house was few stories lower, view would be that of some one else's window. And I get to see some great slide shows from these windows. When I am not looking at my digital pixels, that is. The sky when it is not gray -which is very rare, will have some wonderful hues with clouds adding a nice background. Orangish in the morning to slightly purplish in the evening, there will be a full range of colors. Pity, I can't name any of them. (In that aspect also I am unfeminine. I just the names of rainbow color

 What would you like to read today, my dear audience? The travails of my insomnia or the wonderful world of justice?  I am certain you would say neither. But write I must. Well, few seasons - many seasons of many Netflix serials have made me an expert in the functioning of legal systems - in other countries of course. Innocent until proven guilty - is the adage of the judicial system I had heard. And people pay through their noses to the lawyers. To be not proven guilty. People like thieves, murderers, rapists et all. And the lawyers will find out the ways to influence the jury, using psychological warfare - no, not bribing. And they also find some loop hole in the laws. To get these people go scot-free.  Why do you think we middle class Indians are always shy of going to the court, even when we have been wronged. Because we don't have that kind of money to pay such brilliant lawyers. And so we are going to lose. So may be new world adage should be "guilty until you find an ex

 In this unearthly hour, when all sane men and women are asleep and only the unmentionables (ghooosts) and dogs roam on the streets, I get an urge to be creative. I used to wonder at my craze of painting in the evenings, though my capacity is that of painting walls very badly. Despite  my old weak eyes crying even after switching on two lights. Never knew it was creative hunger. So hear I am, trying to paint the webosphere with my insipid and no coherent words. Watching Rake and so many other lawyery shows on Netflix, I am realising that politics is much more twisted and murkier than you and me can ever begin to fathom.  And watching that serial, I was thinking how many more tv shows are there with male protagonists who constantly, diligently keep pressing the self-destruct button? And why do I watch them? And do women ever stand a chance of surviving a nanosecond if they behave in this manner? And still have a career? See, I have acquired so much knowledge by watching tv series (whic

 I am not known to be reticent nor a prudent talker. I talk first and then worry. For days together. So when I am forced to keep quiet due to whatever, you can only guess my predicament.  Anyways here I am, quiet, silent, not talking (blogging) about the things I feel deeply.  It is again a festival time. This festival - dussera - is meant as the victory celebration of God Rama over Ravana. My partial reading of Wikipedia has put me in a conundrum. Is dussera = dasha + hara -> killing of dasha (ten) headed Ravana or it is dasha+ahara = ten days of prayers to the goddess? As a side note, do you think Ravana having ten heads indicates the evil is much too powerful for us? But in our place in it is more of latter. Today being Vijaya Dashami marks the last day of prayers to Goddess.  Do you notice there are two types of Gods ? Mild ones and scary ones. Saraswati - Sharada - Goddess of learning is the milder one. Where as Durga is stronger one. And you know that the chicken pox and other

 This thought is attacking me too often. My age is not an age to try and start a career or even learn technology. It is an age to sit silently and contemplate about my life. And wallow in self pity. And if possible try to find out where I went wrong.  Then I remembered this lady in a TV series - a Russian sounding lady is in a lift with her friend smoking cigarette. A gentleman nicely asks her to put off the cigarette twice. Third time, she retorts "may be I will put it off on your face". I thought I liked her. That courage! To be rude in public. To accept to yourself that you are bad and announce it to the whole world. But then, does any one do that ever? Tell openly that he/she is bad and that's how they are. Without playing the victim card or childhood card.  I think not.  No one admits it because, no one thinks that he/she is bad - but  is victim of circumstances and bad situations. Even Hitler would have cried pitifully if asked this question. "Are you a bad per

 Will lie be still a lie if everyone in the world is lying? Will our ancestors- the cave men, shouted and cried  “violence” when there were brutal attacks and killings as resolution of any argument ? Is it a crime for the internet firms to prefer profit over spread of hatred and violence and disharmony all over the world, when every other company is doing it? Is it a crime for the politicians to use these media to spread hatred and cause violence when every politician in every other country is doing it?  “This moral decadence has to stop “ shouts our Bachan sab in some movie. But who wants it to stop? Not us. We cheer them for their courage and innovation in all these. 

Leventhol- he is a typical victim, always doubting himself, finding fault with himself etc.  That is what the beginning of a review of the book the victim by Saul bellow said. I was shocked. My description of this protagonist would have been sensitive, sentimental, to intelligent for his own good and overthinking. Yes, me. So, I unknowingly added all these nice or at least neutral attributes to this person because he is so much like me. I didn’t know this nature says - like these stand up comedians say “ aa, exploit kar mujhe”. Hu, interesting ! Anyways Leventhol is even more vulnerable because he has problems at home- not that he has usual marital problems. His wife has gone to her moms for a few days leaving him alone and lonely. Then there is Mickey - his nephew who is seriously ill. He has to worry because his brother is not in town and sister-in-law is meek and inefficient. The doctor suggests hospitalization but is not very hopeful of improvement.   In this difficult situation, A

 They sure know how to hurt a lady’s feelings. I am talking about e-commerce websites. When ever there is a festival - and aren’t there so many, these sites start announcing dhamaka sale. All of them, starting on same day. And they start shouting about these sales, as if they have either found a solution to environmental problem or current problem- COVID. Even though we very well know how unprofitable, ineffective, useless  these are- we can’t stop the instinct  which is hard wired in us. We start meticulously browsing the sites and planning what different rooms in the house need, what different people in the house need and what we need. If we had studied this hard during our 12th/PUC exam, we would all have been IITians. But here is the twist - how I am different from others. I am not an aam admi nor Aam aurat. I am kanjoos. By birth, by marriage and by continued practice. So I browse for not popular items or exclusive items. I sort using ascending order - yeah cheapest first. But the

When I am watching a serial in Netflix or amazon, I will be searching for something else to occupy my brains - using two windows.  My generation is not very well known for multi-tasking. Unless it is in the department of home and kitchen. But I have burnt innumerable vessels, spilled and evaporated plenty of milk on stove, so I can't multi task in kitchen.  Coming back to serials, at some point of time, these tend to get repetitive. How many times can you watch men/women with difficult childhoods, marital problems, irregardless solve crimes, save lives in hospitals and untangle unsolvable international crime plots with a wonderful dedication and passion? Not more than hundred, I think. And I am way past that point.  So my ears will be listening to that suspenseful drama  unraveling, while I try to clear the next level in some game. But if you think about it, it means that these tasks do not require your complete brain. Which means that either I have a gifted brain or what I am doin

 I have finally realized what my real problem is. 'Finally' say in unison all my family members.  My problem is lack of communications. Isn't is for all of us - the empty nesters, the almost old people, who have completed their parental duties and waiting for "yama maharaja" to do his?  No, my case is slightly different - being an introvert, paranoid person with not so communicative spouse. And we recently moved. Recently as in 2020 March.  Yes, the same time when this pandemic which completely shook the entire world started. We came to a new house. With a large compound, security people and a nice garden etc. etc.. But no, there are no shops or decent roads I can walk down to.  So we know all the pandemic things what happened - all of us faced it. Lock down which seemed like lockup, the restrictions on movement etc. Followed by the the disastrous second wave. So I could not get to know this area of our new house. And me being me, I don't know any of around fi