Guru

I could have been a Guru, you know? Not guru as in teacher, that I was for some time. But Guru as in sadhu baba aka charlatan.

I am uniquely qualified for this vocation.  As I know little bit of science, not too much, a little bit. I know a little bit of Sanskrit too. Not too much. Most importantly,  I know how to dig up information from internet.  To support any argument - no matter how ludicrous it is.

Equipped with these tools, I can teach people about our great religion( People need not   know that I poke fun of God and religions quite often.) I can talk about Vedas, Upanishads. I can tell them with authority, what has been said in chapter x, verse y in Bhagavatgita or some other work. And I am certain nobody will have the patience to verify it. If caught with my lie, I can say I will deviate to some other topic.

I could have been. I could have taught people  to pray, to meditate, to breathe and to find their God. I could have built enormous 'Ashramas' with the money donated by my humble followers. In return I could have shown them path to mukti  ( mukti from their wealth as wealth is very bad for religious people.)

I would not have been afraid to express my opinion, how much ever objectionable  it was. As the state would not have wanted to antagonize a person with thousands of followers. (read votes)

Yes, no taxes, no inflation, no fear of losing income. Nice profession, this business of God would have been.  

I think, it is not too late. I can still start afresh by saying I got my enlightenment sitting on the couch of my 17th floor house - because of low gravity and nearness to the sky. What do you say?