Vazan

 For few days I have been thinking about this. OK, now you realize this is going to be one of those I, me and myself posts.

So it is.

I have been thinking about what are the portions of my 73 kg weight? And I am not talking about scientific blood, muscle, bones etc.

I think around 30% of my weight is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the unknown and of the partially known. Fear of sounds and sights. Fear of future, fear of present and fear from the past. So fear is the major ingradient here.

Next comes guilt. Around 20% is guilt. Guilt of missed opportunities, guilt of having wasted my education, and wasting my capabilities. Guilt of not having done anything good for myself. Guilt of not being a good daughter, a good bahu, a good wife, a good mother.

The rest is all anger. Anger towards everyone because they are being cruel or at least indifferent to me, anger towards  semi-believed God and anger towards self.

As my anger, my guilt and my fear increase, so does my weight.

OK, I know this my second post justifying my obesity. But I feel what I feel.

Where are the good feelings like hope, dreams, love and affection? Where are they? I don't know. If present, do they decrease your weight, instead of increasing it? Make your lighter?

So what does your weight consist of?