Life is an illusion

 As I was almost finishing my year-end marathon, a thought occurred to me. No it was not a Netflix marathon - as that happened every day in 2021. This was book challenge - I wanted to complete 12 books for the year - a goodreads challenge - which is just 1 book per month. Which is not a big task at all considering I have almost 16 hours free time per day. Even I want to work those many hours, but no one gives me any work. So I was reading Three men and a main - which is easy read. I thought the characters in that book - like most other books by the author don't have any great problems in life. Unless you count the problems like romantic dalliances or attempts at them. And they will have hundred of servants at home including a gentleman's gentleman - a butler with wonderful English and smartness of an grandma or may be a rich industrialist.  Of course you know about Jeeves, who saves the poor little bumbling Wooster in difficult situations. Which the latter is very fond of....

 So good news, I have completed 10 books this year. Better news I have been reading Wodehouse and chuckling out loud. The book is called Three men and a maid. And there are no Wooster and Jeeves. No butlers so far.  But that does not mean there is no satire and tongue in the cheek humor.  OK, this was from another book - "The clicking of Cuthbert". A Russian is telling a story ".... Then a person tried to assassinate Lenin. (the book belongs to Lenin Era). You see attempting to kill Lenin is our national sport".  And as I can't live on books alone, I tried watching "Rebellion" on Netflix. That is the series about Easter Rebellion of Ireland in 1916. Apparently there were around 250 civilian deaths and 16 executions of rebels of British government.  Let me digress a bit here. There are two things we have learnt from the great British a) divide and rule b) imprison the truth tellers. Why this post? I told myself  not to blog when I am angry and agitated ...

Larry in Razor's edge is on a quest - he is trying to find meaning to life. Don't we all want to know it? Though we don't leave everything behind and start a journey. He sees his friend being killed in the war. He is horrified by the evil behind this. Now he wants  to solve the puzzle of life and its purpose.  He starts by reading voraciously. Then he seeks meaning in a Christian missionary. Not satisfied, he continues his search. Meanwhile he works in a farm. and as a deck hand in a ship. As manual labor clears his mind.  Then, surprise, surprise-  he visits India. When he visits Benares, he is enthralled by the devotion of hundred of people praying in the middle of the river. But I wonder whether the motive behind these ganga snani - s is bhakti or bhaya (devotion or fear). One of his Indian friends directs him to an Ashram in Travancore by a yogi Ganesh. Larry meets Ganesh and he immensely likes the yogi and his ashram. He stays in the Ashram, listening to the tal...

 I was listening to some podcast one morning Boost, I think the name was. It is some kind of motivational podcast where the podcaster speaks really fast but the content is not bad. So I think he was saying we need to have some schedule without which we can't achieve anything. Today I decided I will try it out. I did not write my schedule for one day in calendar app in any of my gadgets. Remember paranoia. I wrote it in a text file using vi editor - I certainly favor that editor to gedit.  And now at 9:30 in the evening, I can say that I have completed just one of the deeds written in that schedule. But I feel more at peace - much more at peace.  Is it because I have something to avoid or I have a tiny little hope that this may actually lead to some kind of progress in whatever the hell I am doing? I am not certain.  But I am happy that I can look forward to avoiding something or reluctantly doing something most of the time. Because you see, Netflix and Amazon prime a...

Not bad for a day's work. Yes, I should start the post with a positive note. I completed polishing the UI of my Java github pages . These contain programs/questions on various topics of Java. And of course they are extracted from my own Java Quizard app in google play.   When I first developed them I knew very little Javascript, css or HTML. So I just got some code and copied them. The script needed was only for expanding the answers and collapsing them. I copied that code into each and every HTML file. If I remember correctly, I wrote a Java program for that. Funny. Now that I am learning a little bit of CSS, I could separate the script into a common file, the stylesheet into a file and reuse them in all my webpages. I still need to change to courier font in some of codes.  This should be expanded to all my other pages like C, DS and Cpp.  Inyare madtare, naane saybeku, swarga padibeku. So may be by next weekend I would polish the rest of the web pages.  But the fi...

 Raveena Tandon - Kasturi is an inspector in interior hill station town. She has decided to take a long leave from office to care for her family. Needs unnecessary, as her daughter Nutan in 12th is studying well and cooks better than her mother. And son is a well behaved child. Her father-in-law is slightly eccentric, slightly demented ex-police who keeps thinking he is still hawaldar.  The inspector who comes to replace her, Angad is "angrezi medium" cop, a young inspector - well educated. On his first day, he gets his first case. A french woman comes with a complain that her teen-age daughter is missing.  Kasturi tries to belittle this woman as charasi - a drug addict and doesn't want to take this case seriously. But Angad is not dismissing the case. Local minister Jagadamba is having breakfast with her son Keerthi and telling him that she wants to cancel his probation. He must go back to prison. What has transpired the previous night, she is not sure. But she is worrie...

 This is the phrase used in the beginning of each episode of sci-fi post-apocalyptic Netflix series Snowpiercer. Because of climate change, the earth has become very hot. The experiment of scientists to cool down the earth, freezes it instead. To save the humanity, a team of scientists and an industrialist Wilford design a train with a perpetual engine. I think it draws its power from its motion. So it will be moving as long as it is moving. And as long as it is moving, the select people inside its cars will be saved from death by freezing. Melanie is the voice of Wilford and de-facto head of the train. She is careful enough to have a well designed class system in the train. The first class travellers have paid for their tickets and live in all luxury. The second and third class travellers are the crew and do not have many facilities. The tail of the train - is where people live in dark slum like conditions and so revolt multiple times and fail as many times.  Layton is the le...

I am not going to talk about Akshay khanna starrer film about the toilet in Indian orthodox households. My story is about this topic in the Nextflix show called "Grace and Frankie" Grace and Frankie are older women. They know each other and dislike each other for centuries as their husbands are buddies. But now they are forced to cohabit and befriend,  because Robert and Sol- their husbands have decided to leave them and marry each other.  Yes, they are and were gay for all these years.  And diametrically opposite Grace and Frankie fight a lot in the beginning, then become friends, then best friends blah.. blah.. blah.  But now comes the interesting part.  One day Grace realizes she can not get up from her commode. She can't possibly shout out "ma... I am done, wash me". Because her mom - bless her soul, is in a better place. She can’t call her newly married spouse. It will be too embarrassing.  She can't use her hands and manoeuver, get up too.  She ...

Proud of the success of completing a book in less than a month, I started my next book - The razor's edge.  As I have been lamenting innumerable times, my reading has taken a backseat and has almost fallen off. That's the reason I was pleasantly surprised to complete the book "The moon and sixpence". Apparently, this title was taken from his famous book "Of human bondage" - he was so much absorbed in his attempt to reach moon that he could not see the six pence at his feet.  With the second book, I realized why I am able to read this books effortlessly, not feeling as if it is a chore. These books have lot of no, not pictures - sadly. They have lot of conversations. Ha, I am really childish. Want to read good books, but not boring (read serious) ones.  This book also has the same pattern - the narrator discussing the life and nature of a person. But is the person in question Elliot Templeton - the smart businessman who knew how to climb the social ladder or ...

I started with some quotes about separation of church and state  “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s”  If we look deep, we may find a similar quote in our Hindu dharma too. They better be far away, for the sake of everyone concerned. But looking at the current events, we can't but wonder,  are we going back to history where we have one papal state, one holy muslim state and a holy hindu state, a holy jewish state etc etc.?   And I am not talking about Taliban - which is a religious/terrorist outfit ruling a country with very little consideration for human rights. I am talking about barbaric anti-abortion law one of states in usa. I am talking about right wing people gaining popularity and/or part of the government many places all over the world.  The utter chaos caused by the pandemic may not be the only reason why people are searching for solace in God and religion. Does God make people feel safer. Than thei...

I am not talking about the book by Margaret Atwood but its adaptation by Netflix.   The story happens in a futuristic world where the country - USA is ruled by Theonomy - Government by God/religion particularly according to  old Testament.   Religions other than christianity are not recognized nor is divorce. Adultery is a punishable offense. Women are not supposed to be anything other than housewives.   Due to climate change the fertility rate has reduced very badly. Powerful people hire or rather employee natal slaves who were adulterers.  Adulterers  can be anyone who do not follow religious. These women are used as handmaids. Who are raped by their masters and are supposed to bear a child and give it to their master’s family.   Yeah it is a Is the dystopian world ruled by, surprise surprise- religion! It is a good and very sad show.    On a side note, do you wonder with our obsession about God and religion and past glory , are w...

 My obsession with Netflix shows must have made you to conclude that I have given up reading altogether. I haven't, but barely so. You may find it hard to believe, but a social media platform helped me get back into the good habit. Yes, reddit, when I saw the posts in a book-lovers' group, I was inspired to read a few books at least. Yes, currently I am listening / reading the famous book by famous author "The moon and the six pence" by Somerset Maugham. And it is interesting and not too sad - unlike most of these books by award winning authors.  Strickland is a middle aged stock broker who leaves his wife and teenage children and runs away to Paris. The protagonist locates him and goes to his dingy motel room. He was told by Strickland's wife and brother in law that he has run away with some waitress.  But no, surprisingly, Strickland has run away alone. To pursue his passion in painting. Our protagonist tries to convince him to come back at least for the sake of...

I have been continuing my series of simple math quiz for school kids. Currently i have quiz about  fraction addition and subtraction ,  conversion to decimals ,   simple numbers  quiz - with +,-,X and / , square and square root,   word questions on multiplication , and  countdown puzzle - where you get the target using the given 5 numbers. And of course Shataka   All these are written using HTML and javascript. You need not install any app and waste your memory as these are all webpages.  Hope these help your kids and you in making numbers little bit interesting.

 Glow is not one of my favorite shows in Netflix. It's one of those which I watch out of some kind of compulsion - like boredom.  Its story-line is different. It is about a TV show - reality TV show of women wrestling matches. And about the lives of these women.  Ruth is a struggling actress past her prime, never getting any good role in spite of her talent. In many auditions, she is rejected. So when she comes across this audition about female wrestling matches, she eagerly accepts this. She chooses to ignore many many red flags. Like she is not a wrestler, the director seems like big a*** and it's for a local small time TV channel. Her new life in this very strange surrounding might have been slightly better if her friend would not have barged into the sets and assault her inside the ring, providing a very nice entertainment for all. But Ruth does not attack her friend back as she is guilty. Of sleeping with this friend's husband. That's not all. The director Sam is i...

 I completed my "This is us" marathon yesterday. Or rather I skipped to the last episode of season 5 and watched it.  Those of you who have not heard about it, it is the story of Jack and Rebecca Pearson and their triplets. Randal who is the adopted son - who is black, is a successful financial executive and also a philanthropist with a successful wife and three happy daughters, one of whom is adapted.  Kevin is a movie star, who had struggled earlier with a failed marriage and addictions, but now is quite successful. Kate is now happily married with two children - but again had struggled a lot with her obesity. And their father had died when they were 17, in a fire accident. And Rebecca has remarried Jack's friend Miguel and is struggling with early Alzheimer.  All thing considered, it is a good show. But, can't we have less flash backs? If, Jack Pearson, the favorite of the children, who died many many years ago, were alive, he would have remembered the flash ba...

 Systems - most kinds of systems are in place to empower the mighty and oppress and exploit the weak. Don't you all agree? Take religion for example. The devout person, who doesn't harm even fly, will often find himself/herself in difficult situations. The religious figure - I am certainly not naming any religion here as all are equal n this aspect. The religious figure consults with "higher power" and advises a solution - which most often does nothing but fills the pocket of said figure. Problem still persists - the victim blames self and decides god is some how angry with him/her. For being gullible? The bank which lends few lakhs to common man sends goons to the house when he delays payment. But when the ultra - rich people try to flee the country with many crores of bank's money it asks "do you want me to pay for the flight ticket".  The marriage works as a system where a man buys a de-facto servant in a ceremony with the blessings of thousands of pe...

 She is wondering whether her reliance on GPS - or her spelling out that is causing google maps to behave crazier than ever. It is showing all wrong directions - because she knows some of these places and they are not walk-able distance from her destination.  So she would like to say Ladies never ever tell anything to everyone through social media or blog posts. She remembers a joke - " a thief walks into a house and points a knife at the lady of the house. "Give me your phone, your new watch your husband bought you for anniversary, the gold chain you bought for the festival". The lady is surprised. "How do you know all these?" she asks. "I am your facebook friend", the thief replies.  Yet another day, yet another adventure. Imagine, how so many adventure in your mid fifties! But again, as she is always dependent on spouse for everything, even vegetable shopping alone is an adventure for her.  But now she has started liking the Bangalore buses - the t...

 She started her journey with lots of trepidation. For once she would explore not the contents of pantry, not explore some social media contents, but real life situations. That was not a very comforting idea for her. Always hiding, always avoiding social situations, she had managed some how to live like this all these fifty six years.  But now the situation called for it, she had to do this thing, and alone. She started studying google maps religiously. OK, it is not bad at all, it's one straight road - almost. When there is a signal, one has to keep left, easy thing to do. She can do it - she decided after hours of study. What she had not anticipated was rain - that God Varuna who has become very arrogant and violent these days. But again, it' only drizzling, will not matter so much. At some point during the day, rain has  to stop, shouldn't it - she reasoned.  Equipping herself with a jacket and of course a helmet and a strong - eh, somewhat dillydallying will, she...

I have been currently reading 15 chapter of a book. Don’t  be so surprised I rather heard it,  instead of  reading. Easier, much easier. You have heard about audible? No, I didn’t subscribe to audible. Being a middle class Indian of boomer generation, will I ever pay for a book which you can’t even hold in your hand? And pdf to kahin pe milta hoga?  No I haven’t subscribed to audible. But found free version called librivox  where volunteers read books - most of them classics. So I started with moon and the six pence, and completed 15 chapters.  It also gave me some step counts for two days. Double benefit!  Now, the book is about an a man named Stradler. Who at the age 40 runs away to Paris. Leaving behind his well paying job as a stock broker, a pretty wife and two children. But unlike most flights of similar nature, he didn’t run away with his secretary or a waitress. He ran away to become a painter. When confronted by the protagonist he tells him “ ...

 Many decades ago, in the first winter in our previous home, I realized that I can get direct sunlight - dhoop, bisilu , direct to our dining table. And I was euphoric - ok extremely excited.  One hour of sunlight, free home delivery, free of cost, for your convenience. Well I had overlooked the hard work my spouse put in buying land and constructing that house. He didn't actually build it for me, right?  Then as days passed, this sunlight lost its novelty and I completely forgot about it. Until today. I had been complaining about this fog, rain and clouds to everyone. Then suddenly there was bright light. Aha, surya deva - decided to come out blues or bluish grayish clouds. So I ambled to balcony and started enjoying that happy feeling of sunlight kissing all my limbs and it was bliss. Ha, it is deja vu. Different house, different day but same warmth and happiness. I remembered the dining table sunlight. Yes, let me shamefacedly admit it. I can enjoy this lazy warm morni...

 When I reluctantly opened my eyes today morning, there was sunshine. And I was exuberant. This sun who had abandoned us since last 4 days, has decided today to appear upon us and brighten our lives. I hear him saying, now I have this on writing, I will remind this proclamation to you in April.  Anyways. I am trying to read a little bit of philosophy. OK, you caught my lie. I am listening to some podcasts and watching youtube videos. I am trying to understand the principle of absurd. Absurd : Yes, now it is more evident than ever. Whatever good, bad or world shattering things we do, they are all utterly meaningless. Our lives do not matter, our actions don't either. We may search for some meaning in life non-stop until our heads all turn grey -we can't any. Because there isn't one.  Isn't that the " Myth of sissypus" tells us? Carrying a boulder up the hill using all his energy and more, but knowing too well that it is going to roll all the way down Huh, I th...

  If you can keep your head when all about you        Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,     But make allowance for their doubting too;    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,     Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,     And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;        If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster     And treat those two impostors just the same;    If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken     Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,     And stoop and build ...

Just like the judicial system, the technology companies treat us the common, good citizens as thieves and hackers as gentlemen.  If you don't believe me, ask anyone who has lost gmail password or any such password. Once, many years ago I simultaneously forgot two passwords, one to my developer account and the other to blogger account. Both were recovery mails for each other. I tried for many days in vain to recover the accounts. No, I could not recover these accounts. Even today, I tremble in the middle of the night, when I hear the word two step authentication.  So the result was I was lost my 7 blogs and 6 android apps.  All these bitter memories swamped me again yesterday while I was trying to recover my iphone account password. I tried all the steps given in the support websites. The mighty program kept asking me same questions in a loop and rejecting my answers. And to add salt over my wounds, after few minutes, there would be a notification asking me whether I tried...

 Roads drenched with entire dust and dirt of Bangalore, angry cursing drivers, roads blocked at traffic signals for kilometers. Wow, I loved it. No, I am not this much of a masochist. It was just that, I hadn't driven my two wheeler for a very long time. May be I was missing my freedom. Or it is some kind of stockholm syndrome. Afterwards, for the entire day, I was feeling as if I conquered Mt. Everest. I AM silly, aren't I? And what  did I want to buy for doing all this great adventure? I wanted to buy some curry leaves, coriander leaves and few lemons. Which was literally available right next to my home.  But anyways, the weather was pleasant. Though  it looked like a rainy Bangalore, it wasn't raining. It was foggy and nice.  But why didn't the fog lift by noon at least? Is it yet another plot by our neighbors? I am joking, of course. Today, exhilarated by this achievement I watched “madmen ”all day. Other days, I watch some other, any other serials. Its OK. ...

What is this life which is full of fear We can’t even grumble and whine W. H. Davies didn’t write the poem thus in 1911, but your sincerely has modified it slightly. Appropriate to the current atmosphere.  When you grumble and whine, aloud, you are labelled as anti. Anti hindu, anti national etc. And some extremely patriotic/ religious person will file an FIR and you may even be arrested.  But have you noticed the attitude of the left people? They  act so high and mighty and brainy and treat the other side as ignorant idiots.  When we complain, dislike and passionately oppose and condemn the bigoted people, are we not becoming exactly  bigoted? Yes, everyone knows that these waters are too murky to even look at. But our anger and resentment which to us is highly justified, will in no way clear the muddied water. Nor do social media wars.  Only thing we can ever do is pray to the almighty who in all probability taking a big nap. We can only pray to him that ...

This world is full of lunatics. Don't be offended, my dear lunatics. I am not telling this. It  was just my impression after watching the hindi netflix series - sacred games. I do watch hindi shows too. A little bit of patriotism is good, right? And many times, these Hindi series are much more realistic, artistic and better than international series. - Patal lok for example.  Yes, the sacred games is about not any games nor is it sacred. In fact, it has all kinds of masala a bollywood film uses -  there are gangsters, drugs, rags to riches stories, pretty girls who dance. And there are gurus - remember sacred. Sadly this guru believes that this yuga - this age is evil. It is ending, but the demise of the kaliyuga should be accelerated. So that the satyayuga can start sooner. The problem with this guru is, he has this magnetic charisma which attracts thousands of followers. Which is not surprising as we Indians are religious and are genetically inclined to believe "holy" p...

Yesterday I came across an article or rather a book review of Amartya Sen’s book "Home in the world". In that review,there was a mention about the 1943's man-made Bengal famine . I have read about this famine multiple times. And each time I read it, my blood boils.  Apparently during that time in Bengal, around 2 to 3 million people died of of starvation, poverty and diseases.  The reason - mismanagement by the British. And  world war and the soldiers snatching the food of the citizens. Britain prioritizing  soldiers over normal citizens when distributing food and clothes. And also closing of water ways, burning of crop etc. to stop Japanese army coming into India through Bengal. They wanted to win the war or not lose it. What if  few lives of brown people have to be sacrificed for this grand cause.  Grrrrrrrr. So I think it is time for us to completely ban British and their language. Wait, if  English is banned, what will happen to us Bloggers? Our ...

Well, at some point of time, some one needs to point out to me that I am not artistically inclined, or in other words - artistically challenged. Until that time, I keep wasting precious hours doing what I imagine to be art and craft - which are for the lack of better word eyesores.  The other day, I made a cushion cover from a blouse piece. ( why has the tradition of giving blouse pieces still sustaining, when 90% of newer generation women and at least 70% of our generation have stopped wearing sarees except for marriages). That was quite simpler. What was tricky was how do I make it prettier. On one I embroidered a star shape using sashiko. On another I block printed.  Intoxicated by two successes, I started by next project. Painting a grocery bag. What should I paint on it? Simple flowers, a geometric shape, or some abstract lines? I browsed on Pinterest. But that place is an ocean filled with such beautiful designs and ideas. Unable to decide and frustrated, I left it for t...

 I started feeling overwhelmed while preparing breakfast. It's too early for that feeling. Though I wouldn't be chirpy in the morning , I wouldn't be grumpy at least.  Then I wondered, does the reading about this philosophy of nihilism, got something to do with melancholy in the morning?  It is certainly possible. As they very often say - you are what you eat. But you are also what your read, hear or watch. Throughout the day. Can't be all cheerful after reading that our first mistake was being born. Can we?  No, such pessimistic philosophies are not for us - silly individuals who can't rationalize, deduce but think simply without ever understanding anything. What we  need instead is all kinds of silly quotes about positivity and optimism - jhoota hi sahi.

 A beautiful poem about loving ourselves before loving others LOVE AFTER LOVE by Derek Walcott The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.

 I always felt verses are not a very good medium of expression. At least for average readers like me - who can never get the inner hidden meanings of these plain looking words. But, they sure do have an advantage when you are not at liberty to express your thoughts. You can use some similes or metaphors or some thing else to tell your truth, without “offending” people and getting yourself in more trouble.  But, alas I can’t write poems, so “ meri baat rahe mere man me, kuch keh na saki uljhan me.” He sees all He knows all Still keeps mum Let’s people suffer O God Why not punish sinners Save weaklings And children O god, almighty google god Why not stop injustice ?

 Sashiko is a type of ancient Japanese embroidery technique - usually done using simple line stitches of white thread on blue cloth.  It came into existence in the 17th  century Japan, in Edo period. During those days, clothes were hand woven, so quite expensive. So the poor people would stitch these to make stronger clothing using simple running stitches.  Sashiko patterns are usually geometric in nature.  You get plenty of videos and patterns in the internet. Being simple in design, there are lesser chances to mess the design up. And easier to sew too. Ideal for lazies like me. But why would I embroider at all? I, who carry a sling bag by tying its longer strap, instead of stitching it?  People keep saying, these sewing, embroidery etc are like Zen? And I get repurpose these grocery bags and make them look interesting.  Correct, scream my brain cells, thankful for getting little rest for from idiotic Netflix.  And by blogging about these, I can ...

No, I am not referring to any classic novels of any kind. I am just talking about my own room. Oh, sorry, that book by Virginia Woolf is called Room of one's own. Not anything do with a view.  I am just talking about the rooms here in this home. Though the current apartment I am residing is insanely small, it has views. In two    bedrooms and the kitchen and the living room balcony. All have large windows, facing the empty sky. And the elevation helps too. If our house was few stories lower, view would be that of some one else's window. And I get to see some great slide shows from these windows. When I am not looking at my digital pixels, that is. The sky when it is not gray -which is very rare, will have some wonderful hues with clouds adding a nice background. Orangish in the morning to slightly purplish in the evening, there will be a full range of colors. Pity, I can't name any of them. (In that aspect also I am unfeminine. I just the names of rainbo...

 What would you like to read today, my dear audience? The travails of my insomnia or the wonderful world of justice?  I am certain you would say neither. But write I must. Well, few seasons - many seasons of many Netflix serials have made me an expert in the functioning of legal systems - in other countries of course. Innocent until proven guilty - is the adage of the judicial system I had heard. And people pay through their noses to the lawyers. To be not proven guilty. People like thieves, murderers, rapists et all. And the lawyers will find out the ways to influence the jury, using psychological warfare - no, not bribing. And they also find some loop hole in the laws. To get these people go scot-free.  Why do you think we middle class Indians are always shy of going to the court, even when we have been wronged. Because we don't have that kind of money to pay such brilliant lawyers. And so we are going to lose. So may be new world adage should be "guilty until you find ...

 In this unearthly hour, when all sane men and women are asleep and only the unmentionables (ghooosts) and dogs roam on the streets, I get an urge to be creative. I used to wonder at my craze of painting in the evenings, though my capacity is that of painting walls very badly. Despite  my old weak eyes crying even after switching on two lights. Never knew it was creative hunger. So hear I am, trying to paint the webosphere with my insipid and no coherent words. Watching Rake and so many other lawyery shows on Netflix, I am realising that politics is much more twisted and murkier than you and me can ever begin to fathom.  And watching that serial, I was thinking how many more tv shows are there with male protagonists who constantly, diligently keep pressing the self-destruct button? And why do I watch them? And do women ever stand a chance of surviving a nanosecond if they behave in this manner? And still have a career? See, I have acquired so much knowledge by watching t...

 I am not known to be reticent nor a prudent talker. I talk first and then worry. For days together. So when I am forced to keep quiet due to whatever, you can only guess my predicament.  Anyways here I am, quiet, silent, not talking (blogging) about the things I feel deeply.  It is again a festival time. This festival - dussera - is meant as the victory celebration of God Rama over Ravana. My partial reading of Wikipedia has put me in a conundrum. Is dussera = dasha + hara -> killing of dasha (ten) headed Ravana or it is dasha+ahara = ten days of prayers to the goddess? As a side note, do you think Ravana having ten heads indicates the evil is much too powerful for us? But in our place in it is more of latter. Today being Vijaya Dashami marks the last day of prayers to Goddess.  Do you notice there are two types of Gods ? Mild ones and scary ones. Saraswati - Sharada - Goddess of learning is the milder one. Where as Durga is stronger one. And you know that the ch...

 This thought is attacking me too often. My age is not an age to try and start a career or even learn technology. It is an age to sit silently and contemplate about my life. And wallow in self pity. And if possible try to find out where I went wrong.  Then I remembered this lady in a TV series - a Russian sounding lady is in a lift with her friend smoking cigarette. A gentleman nicely asks her to put off the cigarette twice. Third time, she retorts "may be I will put it off on your face". I thought I liked her. That courage! To be rude in public. To accept to yourself that you are bad and announce it to the whole world. But then, does any one do that ever? Tell openly that he/she is bad and that's how they are. Without playing the victim card or childhood card.  I think not.  No one admits it because, no one thinks that he/she is bad - but  is victim of circumstances and bad situations. Even Hitler would have cried pitifully if asked this question. "Are you a ba...

 Will lie be still a lie if everyone in the world is lying? Will our ancestors- the cave men, shouted and cried  “violence” when there were brutal attacks and killings as resolution of any argument ? Is it a crime for the internet firms to prefer profit over spread of hatred and violence and disharmony all over the world, when every other company is doing it? Is it a crime for the politicians to use these media to spread hatred and cause violence when every politician in every other country is doing it?  “This moral decadence has to stop “ shouts our Bachan sab in some movie. But who wants it to stop? Not us. We cheer them for their courage and innovation in all these. 

Leventhol- he is a typical victim, always doubting himself, finding fault with himself etc.  That is what the beginning of a review of the book the victim by Saul bellow said. I was shocked. My description of this protagonist would have been sensitive, sentimental, to intelligent for his own good and overthinking. Yes, me. So, I unknowingly added all these nice or at least neutral attributes to this person because he is so much like me. I didn’t know this nature says - like these stand up comedians say “ aa, exploit kar mujhe”. Hu, interesting ! Anyways Leventhol is even more vulnerable because he has problems at home- not that he has usual marital problems. His wife has gone to her moms for a few days leaving him alone and lonely. Then there is Mickey - his nephew who is seriously ill. He has to worry because his brother is not in town and sister-in-law is meek and inefficient. The doctor suggests hospitalization but is not very hopeful of improvement.   In this difficult sit...

 They sure know how to hurt a lady’s feelings. I am talking about e-commerce websites. When ever there is a festival - and aren’t there so many, these sites start announcing dhamaka sale. All of them, starting on same day. And they start shouting about these sales, as if they have either found a solution to environmental problem or current problem- COVID. Even though we very well know how unprofitable, ineffective, useless  these are- we can’t stop the instinct  which is hard wired in us. We start meticulously browsing the sites and planning what different rooms in the house need, what different people in the house need and what we need. If we had studied this hard during our 12th/PUC exam, we would all have been IITians. But here is the twist - how I am different from others. I am not an aam admi nor Aam aurat. I am kanjoos. By birth, by marriage and by continued practice. So I browse for not popular items or exclusive items. I sort using ascending order - yeah cheapest ...

When I am watching a serial in Netflix or amazon, I will be searching for something else to occupy my brains - using two windows.  My generation is not very well known for multi-tasking. Unless it is in the department of home and kitchen. But I have burnt innumerable vessels, spilled and evaporated plenty of milk on stove, so I can't multi task in kitchen.  Coming back to serials, at some point of time, these tend to get repetitive. How many times can you watch men/women with difficult childhoods, marital problems, irregardless solve crimes, save lives in hospitals and untangle unsolvable international crime plots with a wonderful dedication and passion? Not more than hundred, I think. And I am way past that point.  So my ears will be listening to that suspenseful drama  unraveling, while I try to clear the next level in some game. But if you think about it, it means that these tasks do not require your complete brain. Which means that either I have a gifted brain or...

 I have finally realized what my real problem is. 'Finally' say in unison all my family members.  My problem is lack of communications. Isn't is for all of us - the empty nesters, the almost old people, who have completed their parental duties and waiting for "yama maharaja" to do his?  No, my case is slightly different - being an introvert, paranoid person with not so communicative spouse. And we recently moved. Recently as in 2020 March.  Yes, the same time when this pandemic which completely shook the entire world started. We came to a new house. With a large compound, security people and a nice garden etc. etc.. But no, there are no shops or decent roads I can walk down to.  So we know all the pandemic things what happened - all of us faced it. Lock down which seemed like lockup, the restrictions on movement etc. Followed by the the disastrous second wave. So I could not get to know this area of our new house. And me being me, I don't know any of around fi...